Posted by: Arkay | March 17, 2008

Irish Shots

No, not these ones:

whisketshot.jpgbaileys-shot-sm.jpg

Just a few shots AT the Irish on St. Patrick’s Day!

The Spirit of the Lord

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and get stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the preists breath and notices an empty bottle on the floor of the car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the priest.

The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest picks up the bottle, sniffs it and exclaims, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Irish Ditch Diggers

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street form a house of ill repute. They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking around, and then quickly ducking into the house.

“Would ye look at that, Darby!” said Pat. “What a shamful disgrace! Those Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes o’ that place!”

A man of the cloth indulging himself in the sins of the flesh, and at a place like that, too!” agrees Darby.

They both shook their heads and continued working. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi strolled by, looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was sure no one was looking.

Did ay see that, Darby?” Pat asked in shock and disbelief. “Is nothing holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just cannna understand what the world is coming to these days. T’is a shame I tell ya!”

Not much later, a third man, a Catholic Priest, was seen easing up to the house, looking around to see if anyone was watching, and then quietly sneaking in.
Oh no, Darby, look!” said Pat, removing his cap. “One o’ those poor girls musta died!”

 

 

 

Thanks Anyhow

 

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t for the life of him find a parking spot. Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking space I will go to Mass every Sunday everyday for the rest o’me life and I’ll give up me Irish Whiskey!”

Miraculously a car pulled out right in front of him, creating the needed space. Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”


Hot Dogs

Two very cloistered Irish nuns have just arrived in the US by boat and one says to the other, “I just over heard two people saying they were going to have a couple of dogs for lunch!” Not thinking this to be true, but quite inexperienced in the world, the other says, “Odd, but if we are to live in America, we should do as the American’s do.” Nodding emphatically, the first points to a hot dog vendor cart nearby and says, “Better now than never”.

The two proceed to the cart and order, “Two dogs, please.” The vendor who is more than please to oblige, wraps two hot dogs in their foil and hands them over. Curiously excited, the two nuns hurry over to a nearby bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs’. The first one to do so begins to blush and leans over to her companion and whispers, cautiously, “What part did you get?”

 

That Old, eh?

 

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. “Come have a look over here,” says Paddy, “t’s Michael O’Grady’s grave, and God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.” “That’s nothing,” says Sean, “here’s one named Patrick O’Tool, it says here he was 95 when he died.” Just then, Seamus yells out, “Hey, here’s a fella that got to be 145!” “What’s his name?” asks Paddy. Seamus stumbles a bit awkwardly, lights a match and reads on the stone, “Miles, form Dublin.”

 

Guinness

 

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya”. “Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”

That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda.” “There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery…”

Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.”

I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Finally she looks up at Tim.

How did it happen, Tim?”

It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”

Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”

Well, Brenda… no. In fact, he got out three times to pee.”


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Responses

  1. Funny stuff. I hope you’re at least a little Irish or the PC police will get ya.

  2. I truly believe there is a bit o’ the Irish in all of us, no?

  3. Ha, aren’t we all Irish today! Actually, I do have a wee bit of Irish in me, a couple of generations ago……
    Peace,


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