Posted by: Arkay | April 2, 2008

Darwin Awards

Courtesy of my brother I give you the following to improve your outlook today:

Yes, it’s again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least-evolved among us.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat- cutting
machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He
tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
A Texas teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries,
the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get
his head to a moving train before he was hit.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15.Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, ‘Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s
the lady I stole the purse from.’

The Ann Arbor Michigan News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open
the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.

******THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that
it was the best laugh he’d had in a very long time.

And the glorious Winner for 2007 is:***** When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during
a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.

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