Posted by: Arkay | June 13, 2008

Why can’t I sleep?

As good as it’s been for my creativity (re: poetry, personal writing), this not sleeping at night is really not right. I only have three problems right now:

1) Getting to sleep

2) Staying asleep

3) Falling back asleep

It’s getting to be a real pain to see a 4, 5, 6 on the clock each and every morning and know I’ve seen the 11, 1, 2 and 3 that came before it. I’ve tried no food, comfort food, exercise, no exercise, quiet tapes, reading, a multitude of distractions, relaxations, all to no avail. I’ll be awake for 36 hrs plus at a time, and then when I finally do sleep I wake even more tired than before (as the sleep I do have is so interrupted)

It sometimes can take as much as 3 hours to get awake enough to get up and do stuff. I know this is a part of the depression, and I can see that it’s getting better (oh so slowly). I cannot take sleep meds (they either don’t work at all, work the opposite, or work too well). The only thing that is sure to work is shutting my brain down.

I am just thinking ALL the time. Restless, alone, rehashing, worrying, creating, wondering, non-stop. When my anxiety is bad I can take lorazipam (ativan) and on a 1/2 tablet I get 3-4 hours sleep, and on a whole one I get 7-8, but it is hightly addictive and I never want to become ‘immune’ to its effects. So I wait until I am so exhausted i’m not functioning and the I go see the Dr. for 5-10 tablets.

Not there yet, but close. Thanks for listening.



  1. I here ya my friend. I was taking ativan’s daily just to function, and to sleep, because my mind and stress was red lining. Hell, a year ago, I was taking, per doc’s orders, 3 ativans a day. Sure I felt fine, I was sleepy zombie for a few months. Sending you sleep waves….

  2. Thx. I ‘react’ to medicine either very well or not at all. That has been the main reason I have absoultely avoided almost all ‘addictive’ substances (minimal amounts of alcohol being the only exception).

    The fact that Lorazapam works for me is all the more reason to be especially careful to NOT need them to sleep, or become immune to their effect. Minimal intake is my only solution.

    P.S. The sleep waves you sent arrived, and i got almost 5hrs uninterrupted last night. My sincere gratitude for that.

  3. there is nothing lonelier than being awake while the rest of your side of the world sleeps.
    I have ocassional fights with insomnia, usually stress related and the feeling of being too tired to do anything but unable to sleep is horrid. Time warps and a single minute can feel like a damn hour.
    big hugs and glad to hear you finally got a wee bit of rest.

  4. It’s a bad road.

  5. Ya. And there are literally no rest stops on it. *sigh*

  6. I have the similar view of lorazapam. When I do take, its just half a pill (0.5mg). I also fear of loosing its potency. And also scared of being dependent on it. I met a guy a year ago who was constantly on it taking like 10mg’s a day and increasing it every month. He looked like a zombie, I felt so bad for him.
    Right now I am at my usual 7am still waiting for that sleep to come. I have had insomnia since I was a kid, I am 35 now. My insomnia is kinda strange. I am always drifting forward as I need to be awake for like 28+ hours and I need at least 8 hours of sleep. So you can see my days are longer than 24 hours so I move forward. If I force myself to stay awake during the day I will not necessarily get to sleep earlier that night as I get easily get overtired at that point. So I will have to sleep at some point during the day or whenever my body is ready to sleep. It is extremely frustrating and doctors are so useless.

  7. Hi Dan. Nice to have you visit. You speak to quite a few of us with your words.

    If I am to get less than 4 hours consecutive, I’m better off staying up. And the waiting until you are so exhausted you have no choice but to collapse and then sleep is as frustrating as chronic debilitaing pain (been there too).

    I hope you come back and find some of the humour I post here, and maybe get a laugh or two. I find laughter, if I can, helps on the worst days.

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