Posted by: Arkay | July 4, 2008

Embarrassing moment revealed

A little self-depreciation never hurts every once in a while, and we’re all adults here, right?

Ok, then here goes:

This morning while luxuriating in a hot, massaging shower (you can picture me with a bathing suit on if that helps ‘mild’ the image – NOT a Speedo though, *shudders*)…I did something that happens to all of us on occasion. I, uh *ahem* passed gas, as it were. Now normally this isn’t a problem. Hell, for us guys, it’s usually a proud moment, right ladies? And as we all know, our own farts don’t smell nearly as bad as the rest of the theatre makes them out to be. *sigh* I have now completely debunked that theory, big time.

I have no idea what evil concoction I must have consumed, nor how many curses my enemies combined to place on me last night, but something bad clearly happened inside me. Really, really bad. I think modern chemical warfare may be changed forever after this.

So, back to my story. As I said, there I was in my steamy hot shower (naughty bits tastefully covered), when what I’m now calling ‘The Incident’ occurred. Pfffttt. Being male, and thus incurably curious, I took that quick testing sniff over my shoulder. WRONG! Bad, mistake, error, blunder, and really, really stupid (this time at least). What entered my nostrils (and not in a gentle and kindly way I might add) was something out of some vividly morbid, hellish nightmare of fire and brimstone. Vile, rotten, putrid, nauseating, there’s not a word in the English language adequate to describe the stench. And the heated steam certainly wasn’t helping the bouquet. (Although it did ensure I was completely enveloped in a oxygen deprived blanket of suffocation in record time). I had to quickly face the fact that I REEKED!!! And I had to get out of there, immediately, away from my own imminent death.

With eyesight now fully blurred, I dizzily staggered one step and abruptly stumbled out of the tub and (with not even the tiniest fraction of Olympic grace) landed on my ass on the floor. In pain, with the shower curtain now flailing wildly about (I’m sure trying to shake itself free of the scent I had so rudely coated it with), water spraying everywhere, and while now gratefully breathing the sweet cool air off the tiles, my oxygen deprived mind still not recovered thought, “Hey, maybe I should share this on my blog as some of my ‘friends’ may just find it the teensiest bit amusing.”

Well?

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Responses

  1. ~wiping up the spewed soda off my monitor~
    i’m almost inclined to hold my nose you described that so… clearly. 😛

  2. If you didn’t make noise, then it’s a SBD “silent but deadly” fart. 😉

    I live in a house full of boys… I can vividly picture what happened to you. Farting is a sport here. Sigh.

    I did have to laugh, though, at your reaction!

  3. ROFLMAO!!! Thank you for the BEST LAUGH I have had in a very long time! 🙂 I do hope your backside isn’t too terribly bruised and that you didn’t make too big a mess in the bathroom with all the water and whatnot. I can just imagine my Rob doing that very same thing, only stepping on a cat in the process of trying to escape and adding more hilarity and potential injury to the scene.

  4. oh my….oh my my my……that was a SSBD-shocking, silent but deadly! WHEWWEEEE…now, I have to admit to doing the same thing once, but not to the point of falling on my behind…I hope your butt is better soon..
    Sending you nice beautiful smelling thoughts…

  5. LMAO! (:D

    I think it was the “shower curtain flailing wildly about” that did me in. I can’t breathe I laughed so hard – bathroom humor, as we call it, was a part of my upbringing with older brothers! Wasn’t there an Eddie Murphy skit from the 80’s quoted about “playing the game”? (you either know what I’m talking about & get it, or you don’t)
    but
    thanks for sharing the moment with ALL of us and painting such a clear and hilarious picture!

    Hmm…seems that sleep and oxygen deprivation for you benefits the rest of us with well-written words, no? 🙂

    Finding the Humor,
    ~ST

  6. Hahahaha…..Arkay does it again and makes me laugh outload.
    Damn, I know I couldn’t find a Cananda Day card from Hallmark, and I’m pretty sure they dont’ make a run-from-fart-slip-on-ass-shower card.
    Thanks for sharing…..the story, you just keep your inner fumes to yourself. 😉

  7. I just pissed myself laughing.

  8. […] bookmarks tagged embarrassing Embarrassing moment revealed saved by 16 others     xfallenloverx bookmarked on 07/06/08 | […]

  9. Ah Lakota, sorry about your monitor. But I couldn’t very well post ‘Pole Vault’ now could I? 😉 And I think the word you are looking for is ‘Cloudy’, not clearly, as that would be far more in keeping with the experience.

    Hi BTM, ya I figured you have been an involuntary spectator of the gassy olympics taking place in your home on a daily basis for a while now. Glad my experience was still amusing.

    Hey Titaniumrose! Glad I could set the current record for you. Please tell YOUR Rob to be careful then, doing it with witnesses I’m sure would be far more humiliating than my experience. And for the record, the bathroom was a disaster afterwards, and my brused glute made bending down to sop up the mess a REAL ‘pain in the butt’. LOL.

    Andrea: No, this one gave fair warning, wish I’d heeded it. Nice smelling thoughts appreciated.

  10. Welcome to my blog ST. Really glad you enjoyed my description, your words tell me I communicated the story just as I wanted to. And as for the Eddie Murphy bit, I’ve never felt the desire to ‘bite the bubble’ so to speak, and it’s probably a big reason I take showers instead of baths 😉

    Hey misterbooks, I’m laughing out loud at your card for me ‘description’. Maybe that’s an untapped industry you and I could make some $$ on. And if they were inner fumes, I wouldn’t have had this story to tell, now would I? Especially in your honour: *PFFFFTTTT*

    Angry: send me your address and I’ll express ship you a pair of depends you can put on before reading any of my ‘Humour’ posts, ok? I worry about you sometimes 😛


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