Posted by: Arkay | August 17, 2008

Wandering lost

Lately my depression has been manifesting itself as frustration riding the anxious steed of restlessness, and the restlessness has the bit between its teeth, meaning the depression has little control over where the anxiety is going. I have become impatient with myself when I am alone (which, unfortunately is most of the time right now), and I find myself pacing my floor, or driving about aimlessly, not knowing at all what it is that I want or am looking for. It is not as though I don’t have tasks to accomplish, chores to do, exercise to perform, employment to find, life to live, it’s just that something is really missing, and I cannot seem to function ‘correctly’ until I find it. I just wish I even knew what category I was to be looking under, or which direction I should look for my path. I am so far from being grounded and centered that I am truly wandering lost right now.

The weirdest part is that I’m probably feeling better than I have in quite a long while, and am more competent to complete tasks, etc. My brain is more absorbed in what I am reading and I feel more capable of facing the general public without as much effort as has been required for many many months. I don’t actually feel depressed most of the time, just restless and frustrated. Maybe it is because I am so far behind in the things I should be doing, and that I have lost so much of my life recently to the mental illnesses that have so plagued me completely in the past few years that I feel I’ll never catch up.

And maybe I’m just seeking the serene to be found in the following photo’s:


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Responses

  1. beautiful pictures.
    I would love to be sitting on one of those rocks right now away from all the expectations.
    {{{HUGS)))

  2. Scoot over, where sharing this depression boat apparently.
    Love ya my man!
    Wulfgar or depressedmr.books 😦

  3. What’s that thing everyone is so fond of telling me? Oh yeah – ‘One day at a time.’ Don’t worry about how far behind you are or whether you could ever catch up, just do today what can be done today and save the rest for tomorrow. It’s the way I’m trying to live my life. So far, no one’s found the bodies I’ve had to hide. 🙂

  4. I do the same thing too, drive around, pace, and get pissed off bc I’m not where I should be in life.

    But, on the latter, maybe this IS where we should be……Alone, pissed off, and wasting gas.


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