Posted by: Arkay | January 28, 2009

Especially For Wulfgar

A post for my (current) most loyal reader (and commenter!) Mr. Wulfgar, with a special tongue in cheek side dedication to J. (you Thargian you 😉 )

The following is ‘reprinted’ in its entirety from the editorial page of one of the local dailies in my city…

Boris Johnson – OPINION

In a legal nightmare that has lasted seven years, the United States Justice Department is persisting in its demented quest to extradite 43-year-old Londoner Gary McKinnon.

To listen to the ravings of the United States military, you would think that McKinnon is a threat to national security on par with Osama bin Laden.

According to the Americans, this mild mannered computer programmer has done more damage to their war-fighting capabilities than all the orange-pajama-clad suspects of Guantanamo combined.

And How?

He is a hacker. He hacked into the Pentagon, he hacked into the army, the navy, and the air force, and the Americans say he temporarily paralyzed U.S. naval weapons station Earle, by deleting some files.

In their continuing rage at this electronic lese-majeste, the Americans want the British to send him over there to face trial and the possibility of a 70-year jail sentence.

It is a comment on American bullying and British spinelessness that this farce is continuing, because Gary McKinnon is not and never has been any kind of threat to American security. He has only one reason for rummaging around in the databanks of the Pentagon computers, and it has nothing to do with the war on terror or indeed the military capabilities of any country on earth.

Mr. McKinnon believes in UFO’s, and he is one of the large number of people who think that there is a giant conspiracy to conceal their existence from the rest of us, and that this conspiracy is organized by the United States government.

Gary McKinnon wasn’t even a proper hacker.

He did something called “blank password scanning,” and because these military computers were so dumb as to lack proper passwords, he was able to roam around their intestines in search of little green men.

He was so innocent and unfurtive in his investigations that he left his own e-mail address, and messages such as “Your security is crap.”

And yes, since you ask, he does think that he found evidence that the United States military is infiltrated by beings from the planet Tharg.

He even knows the names and ranks of various non-terrestrial officers, though unfortunately they have been deleted form his hard drive.

It is brutal, mad and wrong even to consider sending this man to America for trial. He has been diagnosed as having Asperger’s syndrome, a mild form of autism for heaven’s sake.

How can the British government be so protoplasmic, so pathetic, so heedless of the wellbeing of its own people, as to sign the warrant for his extradition? What kind of priorities do we have these days?

It is time for Barack Obama to show the new leadership the world has been crying out for. It is time for the Commander-in-Chief to tell the U.S. military to stop being so utterly wet, dry their eyes, and invest in some passwords that are slightly more difficult to crack.

Boris Johnson, mayor of London, writes a regular column for the Daily Telegraph.



  1. Hot Damn! Now that’s an editorial!!! Freakin’ great!

  2. I thought anything using the words ‘demented’ and ‘protoplasmic’ in negatory reference to first world governments just had to appeal to you 😛 (and the bullying reference wasn’t bad either 😉 )

  3. Thargians are pussies. I’m a Hoatadon through and through.

    Though, I politely disagree with Mr. Johnson. Autistic or not, the guy hacked into US Military databases, regardless of his intent. Seventy years is a touch harsh, however, I do believe he should be punished to some extent.

  4. “Hoatadon,” LOL! Frikin hilarious!

    As for the fact that an mildly autistic UFO conspiracy nut should be punished for being able to hack into US government MILITARY computers!?! I think he should be hired to show them how he did it and then sent away with a pat on the head. The whole punishment aspect, i believe, is strictly due to the embarrassment factor, unfortunately something a very large portion of American’s have difficulty dealing with, and see as an acceptable motivation to seek revenge for, as opposed to just laughing it off. Just saying…

  5. Not so much punishment, as much as deterrent for people who will have similar ideas… just saying….

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