Posted by: Arkay | February 21, 2009

The Irony is Killing me

When i was younger, i sometimes wondered about (and a few times worried about) how, if ever accused of insanity, could one prove they were sane? I didn’t think it was possible then (and never did come up with way), and, as i seemed to think ‘differently’ from the norm even then, I sure find it incredibly ironic that i am failing to find a way of ‘proving’ that i am mentally ill right now (short of overt, self-destructive or possible incarceration risking acts), to get the help i need. Seems i’m once again too smart for my own good. fuck me. (this is so getting not to be worth it)

It appears that if I was less intelligent, mentally disabled, ignorant, looked mentally disturbed (as opposed to ‘appearing’ fine), an addict/alcoholic (or recovering), a criminal, had no hope of getting better OR had a good job/gobs of money/celebrity I could get all the help I could possibly want/need/afford. Unfortunately, none of those things apply in my case. fuk. what a joke.

So, any idea how i can convince those in the mental health profession that I’m way over on the far left of the chart below and need some serious professional help? (again, short of overt, incarceration risking endeavours)…


As a final note, to accurately document the last couple of decades of my life, you need to add a two arrows to the above, one from Emotionally Distressed (lower middle) up and right to Loss/Stress; and the second from Healing Emotionally (bottom right) straight up to Loss/Stress as well… making sure both bypass Balanced & whole completely, as i have yet to be there in, well, it seems forever. *sigh*



  1. Triple dipple fuck me! I hear ya my brother! It’s so fucking hard to get the goddamn AVAILABLE care that you need, because of circumstances. Dammit, if we need it, we should get!
    I’m telling you, when I was employed and raking in a nice salary, we couldn’t afford “help” and remained middle class, on the lower side. Now that our income was cut by 2/3, the benefits are lurking their heads. Society, as a whole, is fucked up.
    Your diagram looks like a pencil drawing of a Xeroxed butt, with the glory being right in the angry spider center, which makes sense.
    Keep digging and searching, I’m sure you’ll find your needs.
    Sending ya hugs…

  2. Gotcha…I’m coming…Dr. PA online…

  3. Sorry to hear things aren’t going well. I’ve got just the opposite problem right now – too fucking many people wanting to offer “help” and keep me in line. It’s irritating trying to find a balance of enough support vs. not enough support vs. too much support. Hang in there, this too shall pass…

  4. Knew you’d get it Wulfgar. The anus diagram reference almost made me smile. Saw a one panel ‘comic’ the other day, that I’m going to try and find online so i can post it, it shows what I thing would be the exact prescription i need.

    Thx PA, you always have such the right things to say. I can’t wait for your prognosis.

    Hi Pip. I hear ya. At least you have people (however misguided?), loving you and active in your life right now trying to “get” you better. (I think i’d much rather be frustrated/pissed off by that, than be alone and frightened and panicking that i won’t get the help i need… as i am right now). And you are so right about finding a balance being the key. Please feel free to keep visiting here and dispensing such wisdom. (every little bit of encouragement helps).

  5. THE FOLLOWING IS NOT INTENTIONALLY CRUEL..I AM SMILING AS I TYPE..bleep you! Is my once in awhile when I can friendship of over 20 years not good enough? (I work full time & am a single parent) I am sorry I can’t be there 24/7! 🙂 Love you anyways!

    I do understand what you mean, though…it is a rather difficult journey you are on…but I am here…whenever I can be.
    Perhaps will see you this week..:)

  6. …I’m not going to lie to you, the diagram looks like an ass. Really, look at it.

    Here’s my idea to get the attention you deserve from the mental health professional you’re currently seeing: Body paint.

    I’m being 100% serious. Body paint an entire three piece suit to your body and walk in to your appointment like everything’s normal. Only when you turn around, there’s no paint on your backside (because you obviously couldn’t get to it) everyone will know that only a crazy person would paint themselves in lieu of wearing actual clothes, especially in Canadaland.

  7. Hi Andrea. No, your highly valued friendship (as sporadic and intermittent as it is *grin*) is a big chunk of why I’m still fighting to get better… and not just giving up completely. You ARE a part of my support/coping network, just that in toto, it’s still insufficient (see chart, left side) . And for the record, you are allowed to swear on my blog if you want, Angryballerina does it all the time (or used to, when she was a regular visitor).

    Frikkin’ hilarious J., body paint, Ha! (small note: I am trying to get help, not be committed against my will :P)

  8. Hey, no problem.

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