I had intended to skip Rick Mobb’s offering this week,
but pen to paper in the pre-dawn produced the following:
NEGATIVE DARK
Swells and troughs undulating relentless against the shore
soft ocean foam drawn back on each receding wave
lines of damp kelp marking its furthest reach this day
Stone raised upon stone ghostly beneath the celestial orb
marble pale shimmering bathed in lunar light
columned archways dark with shadows unmoving
Murky roiling clouds of hyper-violent storm just passed
deep indigo forms shot through with jet black swirl-streaks
moist droplets charged ions nearly completely spent
Soundless creaking from the derelict broken-down hulk
berths below silent so too castles aft and fore
nothing moving aboard this unseen drifting ship
Journeying from one world of existence into the next
nature and structure remain intact though altered
warm bright sun of the life before long since set.
Pessimistic Idealist 
To those who read this, please be so kind as to critique the title, content and word images invoked.
I would really appreciate your feedback on this one.
By: Arkay on June 2, 2008
at 12:04 pm
I like what you have done with this. It seems to me you have moved very quickly from the tentative, fun, first steps of the earlier entries, into full-blown, confident, thoughtful and more sophisticated imagery that you use to more complex purposes, i.e. philosophical reflection and a description of another, unseen but parallel reality.
The title is apt, descriptive and evocative. Also punn-ish? negative negative, or dark dark?
The only problem I encountered when reading was in the 3rd stanza, when I didn’t know how to read …swirls streaks… (but that may just be me.)
and in the 2nd line of the 4th stanza where I think you meant to say …so too… rather than …so to…
It is like you were holding back in the earlier entries but are now letting go, confident. No wonder you were drawn to the project. Deep down you must have known you have a gift for it.
By: rick mobbs on June 3, 2008
at 8:59 am
Thank-you Rick. Very thoughtful and very much appreciated. *blush* at sophisticated, tho.
Yes, the tentative is receeding, but the fun whimsy is true (as I see in some of your art also 😉 ). I often find what is hidden in a piece of art as important as what is immediately apparent. I effort to invoke that with my words, describing or revealing what isn’t directly shown.
Close, but the title is actually meant to be ‘LIGHT’, again through the hidden (double negative of NEGATIVE (or minus) DARK). Sneaky, eh?
As for the technical, I too had trouble with swirl streaks (as I intended to use little or no punctuation in this piece) so I will try it with a hyphen. And the ‘to’ is supposed to be ‘too’, thx for catching that 🙂
Thank-you for calling my work a gift and, more importantly, Thank-YOU for providing the vehicle for me to express it.
By: Arkay on June 3, 2008
at 1:26 pm
Anyone else?
Please don’t be shy, I can use all the feedback I can get. What you have to say is important to me.
By: Arkay on June 3, 2008
at 1:31 pm
i meant to tell you i really liked this one. you evoked the spooky quite well. i was going to write up an Atlantis thingy on this one but work and other story obligations got in the way. ~sigh~
By: Lakota on June 4, 2008
at 6:05 pm
Thx Lakota. As with poetry, there’s no ‘rules’ as to WHEN or even what you do for a piece of Rick’s art. I’d love to read what you come up with on your ‘Atlantis’ theme (whenever you find the time)
By: Arkay on June 5, 2008
at 2:35 pm
The picture is just STUNNING!
Your poetry is a perfect companion to this picture, Arkay. Lots of sensory details and imagery. This poem drips with detail! I love it!!
By: beartwinsmom on June 11, 2008
at 6:50 pm
Thank-you bear. Although I reserve the right to question ‘perfect companion’. I love the fact Rick gave a choice between the original painting and the ‘negative’ version for this weeks creative attempts. ‘Stunning’ is right; this one reached out to me in a big way – maybe that’s why my piece seems inspired. Thx again.
By: Arkay on June 12, 2008
at 11:25 am
Ugh, dude, my eyes are trippin out, I seriously thought that shit was moving….
By: angryballerina on June 12, 2008
at 12:46 pm
Nope, just your wonderful mind playing with you again… 😛
By: Arkay on June 13, 2008
at 1:05 pm
[…] author of the pessimistic idealist, wrote Negative Dark, a product of his sleepless night poetics. Maybe he should not sleep more […]
By: new arrivals, new arrangements « the storybook collaborative on June 18, 2008
at 9:37 pm